“They’re ready to move from dating to cohabitating…” the Best Buy commercial blared as I looked through a website. Slightly taken aback, I scrolled to the top of the page to see the rest of the advertisement.

The commercial showcased a couple phone shopping at Best Buy; they were getting new ones because they were merging their individual phone plans due to the fact they were taking “the next step in their relationship” and moving in together.

Living together with someone you are in a romantic relationship with is called cohabitating and it’s been gaining popularity for many years. Despite this “trial run” at marriage, divorce rates among cohabitators are higher than those who did not live together prior to marriage.

In today’s blog, we’ll discuss four reasons it’s best to refrain from following this pattern.

1. Living together subverts God’s perfect design

Genesis 2:24 states a clear path towards marriage, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Step 1: When it’s time to marry, a man “leaves his father and mother,” meaning he’s becoming the head of his own house and is not longer under his father’s authority.
Step 2: He is immediately “united with his wife.” Notice there is no middle step here that says, “Go ahead and try living with the girl first to see if you’re compatible.”
Step 3: He becomes “one flesh” with his wife and his wife only. Sex is only pure in the marriage relationship.

If you step out of this design, you’re denying yourself the fullness of what God has to offer.

2. Living together is not “practicing marriage”

Many people choose cohabitation as a “trial run” for marriage. They want to see if they’re compatible with one another on a deeper level.

No matter the guise, or how close people believe this is to marriage, here’s the truth: it is not marriage.

In all honesty, cohabitation is an easy escape from marriage. It lacks commitment. It lacks endurance. It avoids the, “I love you so much I’m going to say it in front of God and everyone and I want you to be my wife.” If the relationship ends, you can have your single life back in a week. Each can easily find a new apartment and get a different phone plan.

I’ll say it again, no matter the guise, cohabitation is not marriage.

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3. Living together is actually “practicing divorce”

After researching statistics on this topic, most articles I found mentioned that couples who cohabitate have a 33% higher rate of divorce than those who did not live together before marriage.

This isn’t suprising, and here’s why. Let’s say from the time you’re 18, you cohabitate with three people. You have essentially established the following pattern:

Begin dating
Decide to live together
Rearrange your lives to “practice marriage”
Relationship ends in about a year
Rearrange back to single living

In the fourth relationship you enter into, you decide after living together that you want to get married. After the wedding and honeymoon, you begin your life together. However, after a year, you become unsatisfied with the relationship and can’t figure out why.

Here’s why. You’ve trained your brain that relationships follow the “cohabitating” pattern, and after a year, your brain thinks it’s time to move on to a new relationship. Most people who live together will have a sexual relationship, so nothing is different about the marriage as far as your brain is concerned. (We talk about this more in our book).

Don’t “practice divorce” by “practicing marriage.”

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4. Living together invites incredible temptation

Romans 13:14 (NKJV) declares, “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.”

Provision means “to provide a way for.” If you’re a Christian, you may think after you get engaged that you can live together until the wedding and can abstain from sex. However, living in the same house “provides a way” for temptation everyday.

This verse clearly commands against this. Why try to fight sin when you can avoid it?

In closing

TV, media, and yes, even Best Buy commercials, try to send the message that there’s nothing wrong with living togehter before marriage. However, if you want to do yourself and your future husband a favor, it’s best to refrain from this altogether.

If you want to know more about successful dating (which in turn can help you have a successful marriage), then check out our book, So, You Think You’re Ready to Date?

Thanks for reading!

Until next time,

-Sarah

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More about our ministry

At Transformed4More, our goal is to help those who want to grow in their relationship with God, and we do this in two main ways: