How to Leave a Toxic Friendship

Emily sat on the couch and scrolled through her pictures. Before she knew it, she was back almost two years. She kept seeing pictures of her and her best friend Amanda.

The more Emily scrolled, the more she realized how her friendship with Amanda had changed; they used to have so much fun together, but lately, Amanda was not the same.

Friendships are a necessary part of life. However, as we grow and change, friendships naturally do the same thing, and, sometimes, it comes to the point it is wise to leave the friendship.

There are a slew of reasons this happens, so I won’t attempt to get into it, but in today’s post I want to share with you how to respectfully leave a toxic friendship.

The Bible actually gives advice on this! It’s in Matthew 18:15-17. It states,

¹⁵“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. ¹⁶But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. ¹⁷If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

So what does this tell me about a leaving a toxic friendship? Here’s the breakdown.

Step 1: Talk to the person

I know sometimes you may just want to ignore them and hope they go away, but if you want to do it right, you need to confront them with whatever the issue is that is causing the friendship to be toxic.
Depending on the issue, you may have to bring in others like the verse says; however, it generally needs to remain between the two of you.

Step 2: Tell them the issue and see if they listen and attempt to change.

This is the make or break step. Once you have HONESTLY explained your side, the ball is in their court. If you see that they try to fix the issue, they believe the friendship is worth saving.

Step 3: No Change? Let them go.

If the person does not attempt to change anything that you bring up, they have inadvertently given your their answer. They are not interested in making the friendship work. At this point in time, if you cease communication efforts, the friendship should naturally end.

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More on Friendship

One of the most important relationships you will ever have outside of your parents and family are your friends, and for this reason, it is important to choose these relationships wisely. Some of that wisdom includes knowing when a friendship is no longer good for you.

We think friendship is important and on this blog, we have discussed the following when it comes to this topic:

We even discuss friendship in our book about teenage dating.

In closing

For those of you who may not know, this post is one in a series called the “Break the Chains” series. In it, we are discussing ways to get out of habits and relationships that rob us of the freedom and joy we are supposed to have in Christ. Being in a toxic friendship can do this, so I wanted to make sure to address it.

Thank you so much for reading and feel free to share with anyone you think may need it.

Until next time,

-Sarah

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